True story: A man was wrongly convicted of a crime and spent nine years in prison before things were reviewed and he was granted clemency. When he got out of prison, he threw himself into “playing catch-up” and doing all of the things he’d missed for almost a decade. Unfortunately, the consequences were that he died as a result of how hard he pushed himself. That leaning-into-the-wind feeling is exactly how I’ve felt in the past two years because of my need to work outside the home and my family tragedies. I know it’s not good for me or others I love.

My last blog was about my decision to regain balance in my life. I did – and had one great week. Then, I started to backslide. I allowed the same stressors to come into play that were causing me so much tension and frustration. Lack of time is the biggest one, and I really have no idea how to solve that issue without quitting my day job, which I can’t do at the moment. I know I need to be a full-time author, and my inability to do that is killing me. I need more time to write, promote, network, and do things like hang with my family, read even more, and enjoy the other things that give me pleasure like cooking, exploring, and being with friends. I’m caught in a net of necessary obligations.

With six books released and two slated for release in the next six months, I’m certainly moving forward. Thank God I have several drafts waiting for review and editing. I can continue releasing novels for a while without having to worry about producing a new book ASAP. Yet, I do want to keep producing new material and try to write every day like I always have. It brings me joy. All of the stress has been sucking my creative juices dry. That is the worst.

I’ve already pulled back on blogging, Facebook, etc. a bit in order to focus on writing, and I’ve definitely been more productive recently. On that note, I can already tell you that I never plan to put out a book every month. Even if I quit my day job working with the visually-impaired, I have no desire to churn out books simply to make a buck. I write for myself and my readers and always strive for quality and not just quantity. Unless I decide to write a serial and choose to put out installments on a monthly basis, I intend to write and publish two to three novels a year. However, it will be because those works are ready and come from the depths of my mind, heart, and soul. My characters and their stories are dear to me, and I’m blessed to have readers who love them, too.

So, back to that balance thing. I’m still working on it and still trying not to “play catch-up” to those other authors who don’t have to work outside the home. I’m a work in progress and want to regain my sense of peace. I’ll strive to move forward confident that all will work out as it should. I’m human and don’t always believe that, although I used to and need to find my way back to that frame of mind. I won’t put any spin on it. How boring would it be to say that everything is fabulous all the time? Even the most famous of authors have their own personal struggles, health issues, and frustrations. Of course, I’d like to be one of them and have their readership, since that would eliminate my frustration about not being able to devote my working time to writing.

This past week, I’ve gotten back on track again. I’ve spent more time with the family, cooked, and walked on the treadmill while listening to books five days out of the last seven. I’ve also worked on my current draft and done research on changing my diet to make it better again and hopefully help with some of the health issues I have that can actually be controlled by what I eat. I continue to feel that constant niggling tension and am attempting to release it. I’m looking forward to my upcoming releases, attending the 2015 RT Convention in Dallas, Indie Bookfest 2015, and other events. I want to live my life to the fullest. As long as I can keep producing and tapping my creativity, then all will be good. Everything else will happen as it should.

Barbara

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